How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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