I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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