Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
