Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i drank out of a bidet.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
