I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
