Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
