Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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