going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
