Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
