He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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