last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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