i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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