great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
