how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
