i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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