I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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