You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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