Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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