there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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