So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize