Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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