She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
