Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
