Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
