I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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