He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
