I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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