best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
