if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
