Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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