No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
