Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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