well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
