Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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