I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
