She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
