Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
