it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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