did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
