So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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