I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
