community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
