Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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