I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
