I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
