Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
