woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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