All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
