In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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