Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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