I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
