I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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