shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
