Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need water and some morals
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
