I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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