thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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