Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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