On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
