1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A+ Viking dick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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