how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
as a side note pls kill me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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