Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
