Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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