you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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