Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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