i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
