what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
did i just pee glitter
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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