Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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