I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
