she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
