Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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